Folks - Sunday has the potential to be a fantastic day. My brother is flying home from Afghanistan and has a layover at Dover Air Force Base. My mother, in her psychotic, controlling, Catholic-guilt inducing existence, had declared that my family & I MUST be at Dover to greet Brendan….even if he is on the ground for 11 minutes. Sure Mother…attempting to get on a military facility with 3 children who act like hyenas on meth sounds like the easiest idea ever. Sign me up. Unfortunately, she will not let this go and despite my brother having NO IDEA when his flight gets in, it has been relayed to me that I must be present for his arrival…even if he flies in at 4am.
Cue excitement for me because I am envisioning a slow-mo paranoramic shot of a huge jet, the sun setting and my kids embracing my long-deployed brother while Enya plays. I think my brother has a different mental vision more along the lines of me screaming at my kids, them getting their grubby hands on classified equipment and/or peering directly in to a functioning jet engine. Either way, $20 my mother would hire a band and send 78 Edible Arrangements. We are THAT EXCITED.
I am, however, psychic and have already seen how this will play out: I will drive to Dover on Sunday. I will finagle my way past guards, chicken-wire fences and a gaggle of young, hot wives. I will force my way to the front of the surging crowd to catch the first stateside glimpse of my brother. And I will yell, "HEY FUCKER! THE ROGAINE MOM SENT TO YOU IN AFGHANISTAN DIDN'T REALLY HELP! TOO BAD! I BROUGHT CHICK-FIL-A!" Because that is how my family rolls, people.
(Brendan is on right. He sent this picture to my sons and said "look, I found candy!" It's not candy nor is it helpful to me as a parent that my sons now consistently tell everyone there is an overabundance of candy in Afghanistan)
Cue excitement for me because I am envisioning a slow-mo paranoramic shot of a huge jet, the sun setting and my kids embracing my long-deployed brother while Enya plays. I think my brother has a different mental vision more along the lines of me screaming at my kids, them getting their grubby hands on classified equipment and/or peering directly in to a functioning jet engine. Either way, $20 my mother would hire a band and send 78 Edible Arrangements. We are THAT EXCITED.
I am, however, psychic and have already seen how this will play out: I will drive to Dover on Sunday. I will finagle my way past guards, chicken-wire fences and a gaggle of young, hot wives. I will force my way to the front of the surging crowd to catch the first stateside glimpse of my brother. And I will yell, "HEY FUCKER! THE ROGAINE MOM SENT TO YOU IN AFGHANISTAN DIDN'T REALLY HELP! TOO BAD! I BROUGHT CHICK-FIL-A!" Because that is how my family rolls, people.
(Brendan is on right. He sent this picture to my sons and said "look, I found candy!" It's not candy nor is it helpful to me as a parent that my sons now consistently tell everyone there is an overabundance of candy in Afghanistan)
Please send your project information in by 9pm, people. It's a new Modern Family for God's sake.
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