(Recently distributed email to colleagues requesting weekly project information) -
Guys - I recently obtained my BPM certification (please hold all of your applause until the end of this presentation). Obtaining this certification has left me analyzing every process in my path which makes me a force to be reckoned with on this team. It also leaves me drunk with power and a bit delusional.
I decided to put together a P chart and detail my satisfaction with the cafeteria here in McLean. It is lacking in ingenuity, variety and who in the hell puts onions in mac & cheese, I ask you?! This is what we in the BPM biz call an 'out of control' process. You will note the high levels of satisfaction with the food in May of 2010 for 1 full week. It was Baked Potato week at the Action Station and I killed it. Yet it has never come back. This instance of unsatisfactory data is categorized in a special BPM group termed "jacked up." Random peaks of high levels of appreciation are of the 'special cause' variety and indicate days when maybe I just ate 3 bags of Doritos or screamed at the sandwich guy to make me "Thanksgiving dinner ON MY SANDWICH." His restraining order is totally uncalled for and results in a drop of unbiased data.
I decided to put together a P chart and detail my satisfaction with the cafeteria here in McLean. It is lacking in ingenuity, variety and who in the hell puts onions in mac & cheese, I ask you?! This is what we in the BPM biz call an 'out of control' process. You will note the high levels of satisfaction with the food in May of 2010 for 1 full week. It was Baked Potato week at the Action Station and I killed it. Yet it has never come back. This instance of unsatisfactory data is categorized in a special BPM group termed "jacked up." Random peaks of high levels of appreciation are of the 'special cause' variety and indicate days when maybe I just ate 3 bags of Doritos or screamed at the sandwich guy to make me "Thanksgiving dinner ON MY SANDWICH." His restraining order is totally uncalled for and results in a drop of unbiased data.
You know what would REALLY be fun - to chart your reasons for late slides. I have heard every reason known to man "bad connectivity, travel, t-ball practice" (yes that happened - you know who you are). My BPM approver actually suggested doing that. I just told him you all have late slides because you hate me. Truly I think he gave me my certification because he felt bad for me…and I started to cry when he asked me what "attribute data" is.
9pm folks.
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