Friends - I broke my blackberry this week. It fell to the ground and, very much like a movie, everything went in to slow motion with me screaming, "NOOOOOOOOOO MOTHERFUCCCCCCCCCCCCKERRRR!" and it breaking in to 8 chunks of metal, keys and exposed wire. Thankfully I have a friend who does tech support and could perform surgery on my silver friend. Everything came back including some new icons like the one that indicated voicemail.Now this is new because I have never been able to check my voicemail. Never. I created a greeting, implemented a passcode….promptly forgot it and next time I tried to access the voicemail, it was locked. The 1s (my company's internal tech gurus) told me it was an "I D ten T error" which translates to 'idiot' (say it and look at the word) so I just let it go, and the voicemail icon, sensing my disregard, just went away.
Cut this week: I told the husband, "my phone is fixed and I have voicemails! I need to listen to them!" He went pale. He said, "you told me you can't check your voicemail? You said, and I quote, 'I WILL NEVER BE ABLE TO CHECK MY VOICEMAIL'." Suspicion creeps in and I ask why this is terrifying him so. People, my husband has been calling my voicemail and screaming in to it when he is mad at me. Let's say we had an argument over bills and maybe we huffed at each other but attempted to be adult and mature and didn't say things like "well if you weren't at Chipotle oh, let's count it shall we? EIGHT TIMES THIS WEEK we wouldn't be having this discussion." He has BEEN CALLING MY VOICEMAIL TO DO JUST THAT.
It is now essential that I listen to these voicemails. The 1s….they didn't understand. They said they can't magically 'unlock' my voicemail so I can listen to my husband's rants. I believe the helpful 1s man said, "Ma'am, why can't he just tell you what he said? I can reset your voicemail but it will erase everything." I screamed, "NO RAHJESH! You do not UNDERSTAND! I need to hear these voicemails and know EXACTLY what my husband has been ranting about. He thinks MY VOICEMAIL is his private little place of safety. NO MORE! NO MORE, RAHJESH! WE MUST BREAK THE CHAINS!"
We are now locked in a battle of voicemail wills. My husband vs Me vs The 1s.
I will dominate.
I will get those voicemails.
I will also be getting a fan-damn-tastic Valentine's Day present. I smell your fear, asshole! He knows what's good for him.
1 comments:
you're doing better than me - I didn't know that the little head with waves coming out of it was VM. Had my phone for over a year before my husband pointed that one out to me. And, then if I yell into my husband's work vm, it cuts off and says the mailbox is full... This did not go over well, when I was leaving a vm while at Chuck E Cheese with the kids as it doesn't discriminate between background noise and the caller.
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