Secret Santa's Tchotchke Emporium

Former SJS Saints know what I am about to talk about....Santa's Secret Workshop. Just the words affect me so deeply even 20+ years on. This wonderful portal to holiday cheer happens once a year at St. Joe. Students are given a budget and permitted to shop for Christmas gifts for family members. The excitement you feel when you find your mom that perfect horse magnet is unparalleled. Even as a 9 year old you scream inside, "YES! Mom is going to LOVE THIS! Even though she doesn't like horses....or magnets....or unwrapping things. But still - the Holy Spirit knows this is what she wants!"

Anyway, Dylan partook in this momentous event yesterday at school. He was going to shop for our family and asked permission to get Uncle Brendan something. How can you say no to such a sweet, unselfish request? I gave him a list of people to shop for and allotted $5 for everyone.

Here's how Dylan's purchases worked out:

Uncle Brendan - $7.....this holiday while Uncle Brendan is far away in Afghanistan and away from us at Christmas, he will be gifted with...well, whatever the hell this is:

It's a lizard....with a basket. Dylan said Uncle Brendan would like it "because it's funny, Mama." Here's my favorite part - the basket is multifunctional......the lizard can carry say, burkas or ordnance, in it OR.....

...transform himself in to Rice Paddy Supermodel Lizard and go undetected in the hills of Afghanistan.

Who had the most money spent on them following Uncle Brendan? Here's a hint:

Dylan felt he had been a good boy this year. SO GOOD, in fact, he should buy himself some gifts. These amazing, must-have purchases included a race car, finger puppet & 19 candy canes.

Coming in 3rd place for Dylan's well thought out budgeted holiday shopping: Mama.

I am to receive this lovely 'I Love Mom' pendant and fantastic matching purple stretchy bracelet which, to be honest, is so f'g tiny it could MAYBE fit a squirrel's wrist but none the less, I love it! And you better believe that I will wear this mother 24/7when he starts dating. ESPECIALLY if he's dating some strumpet with poor table manners. My amazing pendant will remind that bitch who comes first.

Next up, Logan & Sawyer tie with $2.50 spent on each of them. Sawyer gets a small race car toy (spot on, Dylan) and Lo gets this - I don't even know what to say. I AM loving the check mark indicating that yes, YES - this IS the MOOSE ANIMAL PLAQUE! You have chosen wisely, big brother!

Lastly, Dada. Oh Dada.

Dada gets this glitter basketball because.....well, I am now at a point where I think Liberace and Ted Nugent helped Dylan shop so I don't know WTF is going on or why we are receiving such gifts. The best part about this? This morning before leaving for school, Dylan whispered to me that this was actually yet another gift for himself.

Great shopping, buddy.