Swimmin' Time

Monday we ventured to the Ida Lee water park for some fun & sweat-out-the-alcohol sunshine. We got in at 11am because we are, ahem, Leesburg residents. Step aside, foreigners. Finally - a bonus to living in Leesburg besides there being a Costco 10 feet from my house. EARLY ADMITTANCE AT THE WATER PARK - BE STILL MY HEART!

The boys were IN LOVE with this water park. There are slides and kiddie areas, lots of shallow, safe portions and a lazy river. This caught our attention immediately and we focused our efforts there. Ummmmm, getting in to a tube while knee-deep in water sounds easy. I swore I could do it gracefully. Psyche. After 23 minutes of Pat and I fitting our asses in to tubes and then each grabbing a child, we had a joint moment of "WTF....we have THREE kids. DYLAN - get in a tube - hurry!" He screamed about drowning and being left behind but like Bucket taught me "we're building character here.....now shaddup."

Pat decided he just had to go down the 'big kid slides' as the boys called them - twisty, high slides that require climbing 3 flights of stairs. I was out. Macaronis & I opted to sit at the bottom and wait for Dada. After 4 minutes of waiting, I was pissed. This was taking too long....and then I heard this ungodly WHOOOOSH and saw one of the slides tilt. Yes, tilt. A microsecond later, Pat shoots out of the bottom and the wading area holding 1 lifeguard is rocked by a tidal wave. The lifeguard even had to tightly cling to her red floating device! Pat said when he came out of the water, he heard my voice screaming, "ARE YOU KIDDING ME?"

My major complaint: teenagers. Teenagers everywhere. Texting, kissing, groping, diving, jumping, swearing......who are these kids and where are your parents? You are annoying as shit. Step away from my pleasant family day (and serious mojito hangover). One NON-complainer? Pat. Oh yes. Pat Jenkins enjoyed himself immensely at the water park as this was the type of teen who he kept watching through his sunglasses when he thought I couldn't see his eyeballs popping out of his head -

Sure, she's pretty. But can she make you layer salad and fold your laundry, Pat? NO. $20 she also does not want to be bothered with your children who are currently drowning since you are not paying attention to them. Why would he even bother looking at THAT when he has this -

UV rays are nothing to dick around with, people. I am fair skinned and this porcelain shell requires coverage at all times. I'm sorry if it is not sexy.....but neither is picking up your old boxers next to the laundry basket, not IN IT. Next to the basket doesn't cut it, Jenkins. Maybe your teenaged water park mistress would tolerate it but not up in here.